Book of Mormonisms

Did they really say THAT?

Archive for September, 2011

Mormon Homophobia Explained

Posted by skiutah on Friday, September 23, 2011

Mormon Homophobia Flowchart

Explaining unexplainable LDS teachings one flowchart at a time.

Hedging in the hegemony…

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LDS Gay Revelation Countdown to Year 2041

Posted by skiutah on Tuesday, September 20, 2011

In 1948: The U.S. military leadership receives a revelation from God, instructing them to fully integrate Blacks into the armed forces. African Americans finally have equal footing in the military.

30 years later, in 1978: The LDS church prophet receives the same revelation from God, stating that Black males are allowed to hold the Mormon priesthood and African American families can fully participate in Mormon temple ceremonies.

In 2011: The U.S. military receives another revelation from God, the U.S. armed forces now allow gays and lesbians to serve in the military without fear of being banned from serving and protecting the country because of sexual preference.

30 years from now, in 2041: We prophesy that the Mormon church will receive the same revelation from God, and finally recognize that sexual orientation is not a reason to ban people from a religion.

Note 1: We attempted to interview several of the brethren, and there still is no word from Salt Lake City as to why the U.S. military receives revelations 30 years prior to the LDS prophet. One apostle, speaking on condition of anonymity, speculated “since the U.S. military technically is reponsible for defending Utah from attacks from foreign nations, it makes sense that military leaders may need to receive revelations before the prophet in Utah. We just don’t know why the Lord works in this mysterious way.”

Note 2: We exhort LDS members to contact their hegemonic heirarchy and place upward pressure on the prophet to receive the gay-rights revelation sooner. The people of Utah should follow examples set recently by the Egyptians and Libyans on how to effect a change in leadership.

Note 3: We have received an inside tip that the revelation due out in 2041 will look something like this:

Dear Brothers and Sisters:

As we have witnessed the increased growth of the Lord’s work on earth, we have been blessed to see the people of many cultures respond to the message of the restored gospel. This has inspired us to again increase our efforts to spread this message equally to all people.

We have pleaded extensively and solemnly on behalf of all Brothers and Sisters of this world, spending many hours in the Upper Room of the Temple supplicating the Lord for heavenly guidance. He has heard our prayers, and by direct revelation has confirmed that all people of earth, regardless of sexual preference, may now fully participate in all ordinances of the restored gospel.

We declare with soberness that the Lord has now made known His will for the blessing of all His children throughout the earth who will hearken to the voice of His authorized servants, and make themselves ready and go forth to partake in every blessing the gospel provides.

Sincerely yours,
The First Presidency

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Mormons and Polygamy

Posted by skiutah on Friday, September 16, 2011

Here’s an article in the Salt Lake Tribune, saying in a recent poll, that most people are still confused as to whether Mormons still practice polygamy:
Most unsure about Mormons and polygamy

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints stopped practicing polygamy in 1890.

The confusion surrounding the topic of Mormons and polygamy is caused by several factors:
1) There are groups out there that call themselves Mormons (different from the LDS church), that say they believe in the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and polygamy. There’s not just one group of Mormons. The term Mormon can refer to either the LDS church or these splinter groups (that still practice polygamy).
2) Members of the LDS church are often confused about the LDS church official stance on polygamy. When I was growing up in Utah, we were routinely taught that polygamy had been temporarily suspended, but would be reinstated after the 2nd coming of Christ, or polgyamy was practiced in heaven.
3) D&C 132, which is Joseph Smith’s revelation on polygamy, is still LDS canon.
4) Male LDS members are currently allowed to be sealed and married to multilple women (in the event the current wife dies or is divorced). This leads many male LDS members to state that they will have multiple wives in heaven, thus implying that Mormons believe polygamy will exist in heaven.
5) Many past LDS prophets have stated that polygamy is essential for getting into the highest degree of heaven.

So you can see why there is so much confusion on the topic of Mormons and polygamy. Even LDS church members are confused.

The LDS church can fix this by:
1) Admit that Joseph Smith made a mistake regarding polygamy, and that other LDS prophets that followed him also weren’t receiving direction from God regarding polygamy. Polygamy was a huge debacle for Mormons. Sometimes prophets think with their other head, just like all other guys. They’re human, people will understand that.
2) Completely denounce the practice of plural marriage. Take D&C 132 out of LDS canon.
3) Stop allowing males to be sealed to multiple women in the temple (providing that the current wife is dead or divorced). Just stop that, it doesn’t look good when you say the LDS church doesn’t practice polygamy, yet you still allow this to happen.
4) Utah needs to hire some Texas-like prosecuters who will actually put people in jail for practicing polygamy.
5) If the LDS church is still telling members that polygamy will be reinstated after Christ comes again, stop that. It confuses the LDS members as to whether polygamy is good or bad or whether it is an everlasting teaching.

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Did Mormon Prophets Predict 9/11?

Posted by skiutah on Sunday, September 11, 2011


Posted in cults, LDS, mormon, religion | 1 Comment »