Book of Mormonisms

Did they really say THAT?

Archive for May, 2012

Coffee Drinkers Live Longer

Posted by skiutah on Thursday, May 17, 2012

More research showing that coffee drinkers live longer and healthier lives than folks that don’t drink coffee: Coffee drinkers live longer

No word yet from church leaders on whether God will change his mind regarding the evilness of drink made from a bean that He created. If God does have a change of heart, here’s an idea for a coffee mug that could be popular in Utah (see below).

Mormon Cup o Joe (Smith)

Cup o Joe
New and everlasting flavor!
Now on sale at temple gift shops.

And here’s another study that shows coffee helps prevent skin cancer: Coffee helps prevent skin cancer

Studys also show that coffee helps prevent Alzheimers: Coffee prevents Alzheimers

Rumors are swirling that President Monson has Alzheimers, ironically, he could benefit the most from this medicinal drink.

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Romney’s Temple Recommend in Jeopardy

Posted by skiutah on Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Reports have surfaced from Salt Lake City that Mitt’s temple recommend is in danger of being revoked. Reportedly Mitt has claimed it was his idea to bail out the auto industry and he deserves much of the credit for the turnaround of the Detroit auto companies.

Here’s a link to Mitt’s interview: Romney takes credit for auto rebound

The brethren have met and determined that this is in direct violation of the Lord’s 9th commandment (thou shalt not lie; “if” the Bible is translated correctly). No word yet on when Mitt will be asked to turn in his temple recommend. An informal poll was taken from employees exiting the church office building and 90% of respondents expect Mitt will be forgiven if he wins the presidential election. If he loses, he will be forgiven if Mitt agrees to donate 10% of his Swiss bank account to the church coffers.

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