Book of Mormonisms

Did they really say THAT?

Archive for December, 2008

Is the Mormon Jesus a Polygamist?

Posted by skiutah on Sunday, December 21, 2008

Have Mormon prophets ever taught that Jesus was a polygamist?

Brigham Young taught “The Scripture says that He, the Lord, came walking in the Temple, with His train; I do not know who they were, unless His wives and children;” (JD 13:309)

Another LDS apostle, Orson Hyde, said “Jesus Christ was married at Cana of Galilee, that Mary, Martha, and other were his wives, and that he begat children.” (JD 2:210)

Another Mormon apostle, Erastus Snow, taught “In fact Christ Himself was the fruit of polygamy, so far as the flesh was concerned.” (JD 23:300)

Click here for more fruitful training: Journal of Discourses

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Next U.S. President Three Quarts Black

Posted by skiutah on Thursday, December 18, 2008

Is Barack Obama black? If you click on the previous link, the article states that “Barack Jr., with half-European genes, is very probably more similar genetically to Hillary than to his wife Michelle.”

What would the LDS say about Barack’s blackness? Apostle Mark E. Peterson said “…and Cain shall not receive the Priesthood until the time of that redemption. Any man having one drop of the blood of Cain in him cannot receive the Priesthood.” (Race Problems– As They Affect the Church) 3 quarts black

Hyrum L. Andrus taught “Brother Joseph kind of dropped his head and rested it on his hand for a minute, and then said, ‘… for the Spirit of God saith the Negro has no right nor cannot hold the Priesthood.’ … but I have heard him say in public, that no person having the least particle of Negro blood can hold the Priesthood.” Doctrinal Commentary on the Pearl of Great Price, p. 403

Pre-1978 Mormon priesthood calculator: The human body holds 6 quarts of blood, and Barack is half Black, therefore Barack has 3 quarts of Black blood, which is way more than one drop or particle, so by LDS standards, Barack Obama is 3 quarts Black.

(for non-U.S. readers, Barack is 2.83 liters Black)

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Utah Prophet Predicts Nuclear War for Christmas

Posted by skiutah on Monday, December 15, 2008

The Parowan Prophet predicts U.S. will be nuked!

This guy is a Mormon who became a prophet after a heavenly plane crash. Utah has some peculiar people… prophets, FLDS polygamists, seers, constitution hanging by a thread gang, 3 nephite sightings, and so on…

nuke em!

Merry Christmas and a radiant and glowing New Year!

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Lamanites Blossom as the Thorn

Posted by skiutah on Monday, December 8, 2008

“Show Me” a Lamanite. The Lord (unaware of DNA tests) locates the Lamanites in Missouri: D&C 54:8 “And thus you shall take your journey into the regions westward, unto the land of Missouri, unto the borders of the Lamanites.”

Who are the Lamanites? Spencer W. Kimball taught, “The term Lamanite includes all Indians and Indian mixtures, such as the Polynesians, the Guatemalans, the Peruvians, as well as the Sioux, the Apache, the Mohawk, the Navajo…” The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 596

The Great Spirit chimes in: “The Great Spirit has enabled me to find a book [showing them the Book of Mormon], which told me about your fathers, and Great Spirit told me, ‘You must send to all the tribes…’” Joseph Smith, History of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, vol. 6, p. 402

Was America populated before Israelites arrived? Lehi argues that the Lord preserved America for Lehi’s seed: 2 Nephi 1:8 “And behold, it is wisdom that this land should be kept as yet from the knowledge of other nations; for behold, many nations would overrun the land, that there would be no place for an inheritance.” (sorry Lehi, you arrived 12,000 years after Asians overran the Americas)

We Thank Thee O God! LDS prophet Gordon B. Hinckley clarifies the thorny Lamanite DNA issue in this interview with ZDF German Television, SLC, Utah, Jan. 29, 2002:

Helmut: “What will be your position when DNA analysis shows that in history there never had been an immigration from Israel to North America? Could it be that scientists will find out?”

Hinckley: “It hasn’t happened. That hasn’t been determined yet. All I can say is that’s speculative. No one really knows that, the answer to that. Not at this point.”

New lyrics needed for song “Book of Mormon Stories”:long ago their fathers walked across the Bering Strait… right-eous-ly…

Joseph Smith mistakes Asians for Lamanites

Joseph Smith mistakes Asians for Lamanites

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