Book of Mormonisms

Did they really say THAT?

Archive for July, 2009

7 Year Old Utah Boy Attempts to Escape Cult

Posted by skiutah on Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A 7 year old Utah boy led police on a car chase in an effort to break away from church: Boy uses car to steer clear of burning bosom

The boy was captured north of Salt Lake City. Upon capture the boy was heard to mumble something like “I was just trying to bury my testimony with a fast and chase meeting…”

Posted in christianity, cults, religion | 4 Comments »


Posted by coventryrm on Monday, July 20, 2009

Posted in atheist | 5 Comments »

BYU Allows Students to View Youtube Videos

Posted by skiutah on Sunday, July 19, 2009

Newsflash: As reported in the Salt Lake Tribune BYU now allows students access to Youtube videos.

We humbly pray that Iran and North Korea will follow BYU’s lead.

Posted in BYU, christianity, cults, mormon, religion | Leave a Comment »

Mormon Danites Assault Gay Couple

Posted by skiutah on Sunday, July 12, 2009

Two men were handcuffed and assaulted by Mormon security guards:
Gay Couple Cuffed by Mormons

Actually, these guys are lucky that they were only assaulted. LDS prophet Spencer W. Kimball explains that God sanctions the death penalty for gay behavior:

“I could not find the term homosexuality, but I did find numerous places where the Lord condemned such a practice with such vigor that even the death penalty was assessed.” BYU Speeches of the Year, 1965

Just like Blacks and the priesthood, eventually the Mormon church will get a revelation about gay people, something like:
– Gay behavior is not a choice; some people are born gay
– Gay members can get married in the temple and be sealed for time and eternity
– Gay male members can be sealed to more than one man if his first partner dies

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Mormon Senator Sylvia Allen (R) says Earth is 6,000 years old.

Posted by coventryrm on Saturday, July 11, 2009

Posted in atheist, christianity, cults, economics, Environment, LDS, mormon, religion, science | 3 Comments »

Celebrating Days of 47

Posted by skiutah on Friday, July 10, 2009

July 24th, 1847, when Brigham Young declared Utah to be “this is the place…”

I can remember growing up in Utah, each year on July 24 the entire town shut down, had a big parade, and then most folks gathered at the city park to participate in events such as hand-cart pulls and kids climbing up greased poles that had $5 at the top. The day ended with a huge fireworks celebration.

Suggestions for this year’s celebration:
– Make polyandry and polygamy legal again for the day, do some neighborly bonding
– Play Osmonds records, turn up the volume up to 11, because then it will be 1 louder.
– Kool-aid testimony parties, each member takes a turn saying “I know the Book of Mormon is true and Joseph Smith is prophet”, drink a shot of the Kool-aid, repeat for each member
– Organize a game of “shoot the skep” (non-Utahns will have to look up “skep” in the dictionary, this explains bullet holes in all Utah state road signs)

Here’s a video of a typical Days of 47 parade:

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