Book of Mormonisms

Did they really say THAT?

Archive for March, 2011

LDS Man Laid Off over Gay Friends

Posted by skiutah on Friday, March 25, 2011

The LDS church fired this guy because of his relationship with gay friends:
Man Fired from LDS Church For Refusing to Give Up Gay Friends

Posted in cults, LDS, mormon, religion | Leave a Comment »

GA’s Brother Goes to Trial for Spanking Women

Posted by skiutah on Thursday, March 24, 2011

As reported in the Salt Lake Tribune: Arturo Tenorio is headed to trial for a sex abuse case in Utah

A recap of the case:
* Arturo Tenorio came highly recommended as a marriage counselor by an LDS bishop.
* Mormon women paid as much as $280 an hour to be spanked, have their breasts fondled, and shown different sexual positions by Arturo.

Arturo defended his actions “When I’m alone with vulnerable women that completely trust me, I ask myself, what would Joseph Smith do? ”

Church officials aren’t taking sides. One leader responded “Conceivably when somebody is in a position of trust like that, it’s hard to tell who will come out on top. The church has a long history of inspired-by-God leaders taking advantage of the weaker sex, so we can’t be too harsh on this man. Name of Jesus, Amen.”

Note 1: Arturo’s brother, Octaviano Tenorio, is a general authority for the LDS church. It’s not known at this time if the Lord informed Octaviano that his brother was a highly recommended serial rapist working as a marriage counselor in Utah preying on married Mormon women.

Note 2: While there isn’t any hard evidence that Joseph Smith actually spanked his teenage wives, there is some evidence that Brigham Young may have engaged in the practice. Wife number 19, Ann Eliza Young, complained of physical abuse which included heavy fore-spanking.

Relief Society Sisters, sing the below lyrics to “Give Said the Little Stream” music, with gusto, and loud enough so that the Elders can hear you down the hall:

Spank said the teenage wife
Spank, oh spank
Spank, oh spank
Spank said the teenage wife
As she hurried down the *censored*
I’m young I know but the bedroom I go
The husband grows *censored*

Spank said the teenage bride
Spank, oh spank
Spank, oh spank
Spank said the teenage bride
As she fell upon the *censored*
She’ll raise their weary *censored*
As she fell upon the *censored*

Screaming, screaming all the day
Bishop spank away, Bishop spank away
Screaming, screaming all the day
Elder spank, Elder spank away

Spank what is in *censored*
Scream away, scream away
Spank what is in your *censored*
And your pleasure will ever *censored*

He was inspired.

She wasn't expecting this for LDS marriage counseling.
Thank you Brother Brigham,
may I have another.

Note: Garment thong pictured has not yet been approved by the Brethren, please do not wear while participating in temple ceremony.

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Sex Causes BYU Basketball to Implode

Posted by skiutah on Saturday, March 5, 2011

BYU officials have managed to destroy a dream basketball season that comes along once every 50 years. BYU decided to ban star player, Brandon Davies, for having consensual pre-marital sex with his girlfriend.

I attended and graduated from BYU. I lived in the dorms and the surrounding apartments for four years. There is a lot of pre-marital sex that happens at BYU. Think about it, you have 15,000 young males in close proximity to 15,000 young females. That adds up to a lot sex. It’s human nature, there’s no getting around it. Anybody who thinks otherwise has their head stuck deep in the sand.

BYU officials decided to make an example of one guy, a star basketball player, for having pre-marital sex. Why single him out and not all of the other thousands of young people doing what comes naturally for humans?

There are two factors working against this young man:
– He’s African American in one of the most racist cultures in America. (Older Mormons are highly racist, especially those born before 1978).
– He had sex with the wrong girl. His girlfriend is probably the daughter of a stake president or similar high ranking Mormon official. The father saw the color of this young man’s skin, and decided to raise a ruckus. So instead of giving Brandon a slap on the wrist (like they do to everybody else who engages in this act of human nature), they decide to kick him off the basketball team.

Way to go BYU, you’ve just dismantled your shining public relations basketball team. You’ve destroyed any future chance of recruiting top African American talent. This will haunt your athletic program for years. And for what? You’ve singled out one guy out of thousands to impose draconian measures, all for the wrong reasons. It’s too bad for BYU that more reasonable leaders didn’t intervene. BYU could have had something special this year. Even by Mormon standards, this behavior is dumbfounding.

BYU Shame

Posted in BYU, cults, LDS, mormon | 3 Comments »

The New Tithe

Posted by skiutah on Friday, March 4, 2011

You don’t need a church to give…

Posted in christianity, morality, religion | Leave a Comment »