Book of Mormonisms

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Archive for the ‘LDS’ Category

Joseph Smith’s Wives

Posted by skiutah on Friday, November 28, 2014


LDS polygamy clarification note: Plural Marriage Explained

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Ordain Mormon Women

Posted by skiutah on Monday, June 23, 2014

This woman is about 20 or 30 years too early in her quest to hold the Mormon priesthood: Mormon woman facing excommuncation

Just like Black people, the Mormon leaders will eventually realize there’s a huge upside to allowing women to hold the priesthood, but because of the hardness of their hearts, it will take the Mormon leaders about 20 or 30 years longer than the rest of the world to receive this revelation…

Posted in LDS, mormon, religion | 1 Comment »

Utah Mom Buys All of Store’s Porn Shirt Inventory

Posted by skiutah on Wednesday, February 19, 2014

This Utah woman bought all of a store’s shirts that had a picture of a scantily clad woman on the front: Utah woman buys porn shirts

Here’s the shirt: Nicole Heartbreaker T-shirt

She just guaranteed a huge amount of free publicity for these shirts and will drive up the demand for these shirts that nobody would have paid attention to otherwise.

Posted in LDS, morality, mormon, Pornography | Leave a Comment »

Mormon Leader Can’t Believe Beliefs

Posted by skiutah on Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Here’s a post in the Salt Lake Tribune about a Mormon leader who can’t believe what he previously believed:
Mormon Leader Leaves

This guy’s experience can be explained by understanding the I-15 Mormons. I-15 Mormons live near Interstate 15 in Utah, Idaho, and Arizona, and there are a large number of remote I-15 Mormons living in Oregon, California, and Nevada. The I-15 Mormons fall into three groups:

A) Some are not curious at all about investigating anything that would cause them to experience anything uncomfortable in regards to their religion; this is a large percentage of the I-15’ers.

B) Another percentage will investigate, but are able to believe explanations for historical LDS practices or former LDS teachings.

C) Another percentage will investigate, and discover most of the “anti-Mormon” documentation is based on historical documents and formerly sanctioned LDS publications. If their belief in Mormonism is not based on feelings from God, then these folks tend to become inactive members and/or leave Mormonism.

For people in the A and B groups, they believe something is wrong with people in the C group. Either the C people have had “their feelings hurt”, or “couldn’t keep a commandment”, or “have a mental defect”. People in the A and B groups often “feel sad” for the people in the C group and “will pray for them”.

The B group and C groups tend to argue, and can’t understand how two people looking at the same set of facts, can interpret the same set of facts so differently. While the A group doesn’t want to get involved in any debates; anything that challenges their belief isn’t worth it.

For close-knit LDS families, it’s an embarrassment to have a family member in the C group. The C’ers are often ostracized and ridiculed.

Is it possible to keep people in the C group from leaving the Mormon church? Some suggestions:

1) Don’t whitewash Mormon history. Be more transparent. When the C’ers discover facts that contradict what they were taught, they feel deceived and misled. (The B group will argue that there was no deception. From the C group perspective, the B group misses the point, and vice versa)

2) Marginalize teachings that cannot ever be believed by a fact based C person (like Black people were cursed, humanity originated in Missouri, American Indians are descendants of Jews, the Book of Abraham, Polygamy was God’s idea, Gay people choose to be gay, and so on).

The A group won’t care, they’ll believe anything, it’s easier for this group to not ask questions. This is the current base of the I-15 Mormons.

The B group will argue about the origin of former teachings for a while, but will eventually give up (because their belief is based on God-sent feelings).

The C group will not feel like they were deceived and have wasted a portion of their lives on something that can’t be what it was advertised to be.

Posted in christianity, LDS, mormon | 4 Comments »

Why Lamanites Have Small Breasts

Posted by skiutah on Friday, February 15, 2013

Scientists have discovered that eastern Asians experienced a genetic mutation 35,000 years ago that is responsible for these distinctive physical traits:
* Thicker hair
* Smaller breasts
* Distinctive teeth
* More sweat glands

Here’s the NY Times article: East Asian Physical Traits Linked to 35,000-Year-Old Mutation

How did these same human evolutionary attributes get transferred to the Lamanites in America? Here are some theories:
1. Father Lehi had unmentioned eastern Asian concubine stowaways hidden in his boat.
2. The climate in eastern Asian was much warmer 35,000 years ago and extra sweat glands would have been advantageous to the hunter-gatherers who lived at that time.
3. Thick hair and small breasts are visible sexual signals which, if preferred by men 35,000 years ago, could quickly become more common as the carriers had more children than the non-carriers.

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God Used Beer to Create Human Civilization

Posted by skiutah on Thursday, January 17, 2013

Scientists have found evidence humans began brewing alcohol 11,000 years ago in Turkey. Many experts believe that beer was a key component of early human societies that fueled the rise of human civilization. The article states “”Production and consumption of alcoholic beverages is an important factor in feasts facilitating the cohesion of social groups, … and in organizing collective work.”

Some questions:

11,000 years ago, why did God use alcohol to enable the rise of human civilization?

Did Eve look better to Adam only after Adam had quaffed a few beers? Thus ensuring the propagation of the human species.

Was the “apple” in the Garden of Eden (in Missouri) in reality applejack?

Why did God wait until 1833 (D&C 89) to instruct humans that beer was bad? Why not decree prohibition 11,000 years ago?

When God introduced polygamy into modern human society (D&C 132), did God foresee that polygamy and alcohol were a bad mixture? What was God thinking? Can you imagine?

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History behind Mitt’s “binders full of women” comment…

Posted by skiutah on Thursday, October 18, 2012

New and everlasting binder.

con·cu·binder   /ˈkɒŋkyəˌbaɪn-der /
1. Sultan or bishop’s record of what women belong to which men in a polygamous colony.
2. Party type originating from Colorado City.

1843 – 1890; Utah English (Reformed Egyptian concubīna, equivalent to concub-, variant stem of concumbere to lie)

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Should Mormons Shun Mitt?

Posted by skiutah on Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Here’s an article in the Washington Post: Should Mormon Voters Shun Mitt Romney

The reader comments are hilarious…

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Native Americans Most Closely Related to Neanderthals

Posted by skiutah on Monday, September 10, 2012

Here’s a scientfic article that states that native American Indians have more Neanderthal DNA in them than other human populations: Neanderthal DNA in native Americans

How is that possible? One theory popular in Provo:

jinkies! Father Lehi was a Neanderthal

Father Lehi populates the Americas with his Neanderthal seed. So easy a caveman could do it.

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LDS Introduces New Temple Ordinance

Posted by skiutah on Tuesday, August 21, 2012

In wake of all of the new planet discoveries by the Kepler space telescope, Kepler Planet Names, Mormon leaders are introducing a new temple ceremony that allows men to be pre-sealed to their afterlife worlds. When asked about the ceremony details, church officials declined comment.

However a quick Google search revealed that LDS planet pre-sealings begin with members receiving a secret planet name, only you will know your secret planet name (no speculation on whether everybody will receive the same planet name on the same day). In the afterlife, your planet will contact you via your special temple name, and you must respond with the secret planet name in order to initiate transport through the cosmic veil. Once on your Earth, you call in wives that have been sealed to you and begin procreating billions and billions of times.

A general authority stated off the record “as we understand it, you don’t have to institute Mormon style religion on your own planet. You don’t have to follow Heavenly Father’s current model of put children on the planet, leave kids in the dark for 100,000 years, decide kids need religion, send a holy book, watch kids reject it, wait a couple thousand years, reintroduce religion with your half human son taking responsibility for all mistakes, have him killed, watch the kids reject religion again, wait a couple of thousand years, reintroduce the true religion, this time demand polygamy be practiced without the aid of alcohol.”

One of the senior brethren wryly noted “and to think people laughed at Brigham Young, said he was high on Kolob Kool-Aid, when he proclaimed all celestial kingdom level Mormon white males would receive their own planet stocked with wives.”

Note NASA originally felt violated when they learned that Kepler found worlds were being sealed to Mormons for use in the afterlife. However NASA officials are now waiting to see if Mitt Romney is elected president, at which time they would welcome President Romney being sealed to his own Kepler discovered planet. NASA officials were saddened when learning that they would not be allowed to attend such a ceremony, but happy that they would be permitted to wait outside.

Posted in LDS, mormon, religion, science | 1 Comment »