Book of Mormonisms

Did they really say THAT?

Archive for April, 2009

Astronomers Find Kolob

Posted by skiutah on Tuesday, April 28, 2009

LDS Alert: Scientists mistakenly give Kolob the name of Himiko. Try to spot Jesus’ face in the newly discovered ko-blob: http://www.theage.com.au/world/colossal-new-space-blob-baffles-scientists-20090423-afnb.html

These scientists should study the Book of Abraham for clarification on this discovery. Kolob, signifying the first creation, nearest to the celestial, or the residence of God…
Book of the Dead

Click here for a primer on LDS space doctrines: LDS in Space

Mormon Space Map

Mormon Space Map

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Utah Bankruptcies Soar

Posted by skiutah on Tuesday, April 28, 2009

It’s not looking good out there, especially in Utah:
http://www.sltrib.com/business/ci_12101360

LDS Alert: Utahns evidentally have not been paying their tithing. The Lord is punishing them. For LDS members who are struggling financially, read this taxing tithing talk by Elder Hales:
http://lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-1032-2,00.html

pay the same one-tenth of our increase annually (see D&C 119:4), and all of us receive blessings so great that there shall not be room enough to receive…” (Malachi 3:10).

For the bankrupt Utahns who are paying tithing, the Lord must be testing them.

Keep having kids, keep paying your tithing. Don’t worry about how to feed and provide for your children. If you’re thinking that a vasectomy might be a way to cut family costs, please snip that thought in the bud. Here’s a note from the LDS Handbook of Instructions:

The Church strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control…[it] should only be considered if…a person [is] mentally incompetent for his or her actions…”

That’s nice that mentally incompetent LDS members can opt for sterilization…

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Mormonism in a Nutshell according to Glenn Beck

Posted by coventryrm on Monday, April 13, 2009

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The End of Christian America

Posted by coventryrm on Wednesday, April 8, 2009

http://www.newsweek.com/id/192583?GT1=43002

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Quorum of the Twelve Apostates

Posted by skiutah on Wednesday, April 8, 2009

LDS prophet Wilford Woodruff’s prophecy is finally being fulfilled: “If we are going to do away with polygamy… Do away with that, then we must do away with the prophets and apostles…” JD 13:166

A BYU newspaper breaks the story: Quorum of the Twelve Apostates

For those who need a refresher, here’s the Dozen Ditty:

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