Posted by skiutah on Saturday, July 24, 2010
Two Mormon missionaries just knocked on my door. I answered and told them I had my name removed from the church records, and that I had told the Bishop that I didn’t want to be visted by anybody from the LDS church, and politely told them I wasn’t interested.
The two missionaries didn’t blink an eye, they proceeded to ask me if I had prayed about it, what commandment couldn’t I keep, and then told me they felt sorry for me. Then asked if they could talk to my wife. I again politely said “no, not interested.”
Then the missionaries asked if my daughters would be interested in hearing the lessons, having home teachers visit, attend church, and had the girls thought about baptism, and then asked if they could come in.
At this point I was looking around for Ashton Kutcher (or Jesus) to jump out of the bushes and yell “your ass got Punk’d!”
But no comic relief. The missionaries started to pull material out of their backpack and hand it to me. I again politely told them “not interested” and shut the door. They left the material on the porch.
If Jesus really is playing a joke on me, here are some suggestions for future “You got Mormon’d” episodes:
* Have the missionaires jump out at a busy intersection and start washing windshields and demand 10% of whatever is in the driver’s wallet.
* Buy the missionaries modified Harleys that have the extra loud exhaust and have them race through the neighborhood throwing a Book of Mormon at every door (the hard copy Spanish language edition would be a nice touch).
* Show up at the door with a chalk board and every time a person starts to reply, have the missionaries scratch the chalk board with 16 penny nails.
The image here is some of the material the Mormons left on my doorstep. The irony is that the card says Jesus will help resolve family challenges; when in fact, the Mormon Jesus has been the cause of great divisiveness in my family.
Post Mormon’d: Have you ever noticed how much Ashton Kutcher resembles the Mormon Jesus? Or how much Demi Moore looks like Mary? And how the Mormons teach that God had physical sex with Mary? It’s weird how all of this dovetails together.