Book of Mormonisms

Did they really say THAT?

Mormon Church Reconsidering Anti-Coffee Stance

Posted by skiutah on Friday, June 25, 2010

Recent studies show mounting evidence of coffee’s healthy benefits: Coffee’s Mysterious Benefits

Highlights from the article:
– Regular coffee drinkers have a 39 percent decreased risk of head and neck cancer
– Coffee can help to prevent the neural degeneration associated with brain disorders and aging
– Drinking coffee lowers the risk of stroke by 19 percent among women
– People who drink coffee reduce their risk of developing liver cancer by 41 percent
– Coffee cut male coffee drinkers’ risk of aggressive prostate cancer by 60 percent
– Women who drank one to three cups of java a day reduced their risk of cardiovascular disease by 24 percent
– Coffee is protective against certain brain tumors, endometrial cancer and advanced prostate cancer

LDS leaders are slowly acknowledging God may not have had access to this type of research when the Word of Wisdom was first foisted on members. Given recent findings on coffee’s healthy benefits, church seers are considering amending D&C 89 to allow for java based drinks to become legal for Latter Day Saints.

Benefits
– Coffee drinking members will live longer, and thus pay tithing longer (ka-ching said the little bean, give o give).
– Use coffee instead of water for the sacrament; vastly reduce the amount of snoring that has plagued sacrament meetings for years.
– Effective immediately, temple recommend holders will no longer be required to wear sunglasses when entering Starbucks.

Downsides
– Church members will be more mentally stimulated, this might prompt members to ask questions and form their own opinions.

When asked if changing the Word of Wisdom would shake the faith of members, one apostle opined “no biggie, we’ve changed many doctrines in the past, and our experience is that members don’t remember what was taught 20 years ago, so this shouldn’t be an issue for long.”

Mormon Cup o Joe (Smith)

Mormon Cup o Joe
New and everlasting flavor!
Now on sale at LDS Temple gift shops.

Proposed new wording for D&C 89 verse 9:
“And again, hot drinks are not for the body or belly. But yea, verily, I say unto you, there hath been made an ordained exception, java based hot drinks are now okay.”

Note: Also under consideration, striking verse 12 from D&C 89. Church leaders openly admit that nobody in Utah ever seriously considered eating meat sparingly.

Advertisements

6 Responses to “Mormon Church Reconsidering Anti-Coffee Stance”

  1. Hey! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to look it over.
    I’m definitely enjoying the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Great blog and amazing design.

  2. site said

    Thanks for the marvelous posting! I certainly enjoyed reading it, you’re a great author.I will be sure to bookmark your blog and may come back sometime soon. I want to encourage that you continue your great work, have a nice weekend!

  3. This piece of writing is in fact a fastidious one it assists new internet visitors, who are
    wishing in favor of blogging.

    Elevate GF review

  4. ITIL is most definitely becoming much more important in today’s IT businesses around the world. I know that, in my experience, it does not always go 100 % to plan – however thats the reason why Itil is just a framework I suspect.

  5. Whats up are using WordPress for your site platform?

    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you need any coding knowledge to make your own blog?

    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: