Book of Mormonisms

Did they really say THAT?

35,000 Year Old Cave Porn Discovered

Posted by skiutah on Monday, May 18, 2009

A 35,000 year old cave porn doll was discovered in Germany (click here for the article): 35,000 year old sex aid

From the cave writings on the walls scientists were able to unravel some details:
* The Cave Bishop revoked the temple recommend of the caveman caught with the doll.
* The Cave Stake President told the ward cave that a well endowed member’s fall into pornography never occurs during regular worship at the cave temple.
* The Cave General Authorities decreed that the doll produced fantasies that destroyed the cave dweller spirit.
* The Cave Prophet warned of the corrupting influence of cave porn that was sweeping cave society like an avalanche of evil and would soon lead to the downfall of the human race.

Note: LDS general authorities are attempting to gather the names of the ancient cave dwellers so that their after-death baptisms may be performed (better late than never). They’ve been in the spirit world for 35,000 years and have plenty of time to repent for their use of cave porn.

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