Book of Mormonisms

Did they really say THAT?

Satan Ain’t Heavy, He’s Christ’s Brother

Posted by skiutah on Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The road is long with many a winding turn: “Who is Satan? Satan was the spiritual offspring of Deity. He was a spiritual brother to the Chosen, the one whom we have come to know as the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.” Harold B. Lee, The Teachings of Harold B. Lee, p. 36

That leads us to who knows where: “He was called Lucifer, son of the morning… this spirit-brother of Jesus desperately tried to become the Savior of mankind”. Milton R. Hunter, The Gospel through the Ages, p. 15

But I’m strong, strong enough to carry him: “Jesus Christ, He was chosen to carry out that plan, which His Father approved, and Satan rebelled because the trust was given unto his more meek brother Jesus.” William H. Smart, Conference Report, April 1901

Lucifer ain’t heavy, Elohim, he’s Jehovah’s brother: “In the wilderness of Judaea, on the temple’s pinnacles and on the high mountain, a momentous contest took place between two brothers, Jehovah and Lucifer, sons of Elohim.” Spencer W. Kimball, Conference Report, April 1964

Recommendations: Fast and pray that Satan will surrender himself to LDS general authorities in Salt Lake City. After a hundred thousand years of tempting humans, it’s time for Lucifer to stop luring people into drinking coffee, polygamy, wearing bikinis, same-sex marriage, piercing ears, polyandry, playing with face cards, oral sex, tattoos, wearing crosses, facial hair, birth control, and other heinous sins. Lucifer needs to know that Jesus is there to carry him and it’s time for Satan to back off of his devil business.

Note to LDS Seminary Instructors: If using this material for a seminary class we recommend that you play the “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother” song as background music when you give this lesson (see link below).

Advertisements

One Response to “Satan Ain’t Heavy, He’s Christ’s Brother”

  1. Doulos said

    Eesh.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: